Never mess with a Custodian...

So, a number of months ago, the idea came to me for this story, but, since I've been busy working on trying to finish the books that are very slowly creeping along, I only told my fiancée about it instead of finishing it because I thought it would be one more derailment on a pathway to never finishing. However, it rarely left the forefront of my mind. As with most stories, it wanted to be written... I'm still not sure why, but I know that I've always liked stories that took an interesting twist or maybe weren't entirely what you thought it would be at the beginning. Hopefully, I did that here... and that you enjoy it.

Hi, my name is Stan... and I'm a Custodian. I know what you're thinking, most people do... because few people grew up in life wanting to be one, but just like garbage collection, and waste removal, it's very important work.

In your schools, they're often thought of as the poor ones that were somehow unfortunate in life, or retired handymen not wanting to put up with corporations anymore, but still wanting to remain active with some extra cash. In your movies, they're sagacious with a checkered past that helps the protagonist in some way. My job is a bit different. I work at a military installation, I have a loving wife whom is very proud of me, and after a few years on the job I started to receive a fairly decent wage.

Her brother on the other hand... not so proud. He's a reasonably nice person, takes care of his family, has a nice home, stressed out by where the country is headed, All-American type. He's also a Lieutenant Colonel at the base nearby and thinks what I do is a joke. He'll refer to me as “his brother”, but usually laughs when he introduces me as a janitor. In fact, on more than one occasion, he's tried to coax his sister to leave me for a “more suitable” person, and she's nicely told him to go to hell. It's an almost amusing exchange... almost...

One day, though... I just couldn't handle it anymore. I knew better, but I have a long fuse... and the line finally exploded.

“Tell you what, Gerald.” I responded, somewhat tersely to his jibes one night at a family get together. “I'll show you what I do exactly; You might even like it.”

“Why would I want to watch you empty out trashcans, Stan?” he replied, one eyebrow raised so high, it was almost a part of his buzzcut. “I have an important things to do tomorrow. Paperwork and--”

“Yea, it's a Saturday. You never work on Saturdays unless you're called in and you've commented on my going in on weekends... but if you don't think you can handle it...” I chided taking another swig of my beer knowing he would rise to the bait. They're always so competitive these types.

He gibbered. “You don't think I can handle the smell?”

“Don't worry... no one would ask you to actually conduct any of the work. There's all kinds of equipment you're not rated to handle... but if you think you have the stomach for it meet me outside at 0630 and I'll show you the OA.”

He looked somewhat confused that I was calling him out, but my use of military jargon had gotten his interest piqued. “Deal.” he replied somewhat slowly and pointed his glass towards me. “But don't think I won't make comments.” He was still trying to save face.

“Wouldn't have it any other way...” I grinned.

The next morning, he was as good as his word and we headed towards the job. “...where are we?” He kept asking. “You know the area, brother. All trees, rocks & stone. There's a river somewhere to the West, but you'll see where we are.”

20 minutes later, we arrived at a large armored gate and several armed individuals walked towards my car. “Uh, Stan. I have a feeling I shouldn't be here... so you definitely shouldn't.”

“You'll be fine, big baby. Hand me your ID.” I responded as the guard approached my already open window.

“Sir, this is a restrict-- Oh, hey Stan! Didn't recognize the car. New?”

“Hey, Raj! Eh, it's newish... They have me testing something with it. Guess it's working.” Gerald started muttering incoherently to himself... before bursting out, “What the hell is going on?”

“Who've you got with you? I like you, Sir, but you know I can't let you bring strays in...” Raj responded not paying any mind to my passenger.

“Lieutenant Colonel Gera--” he tried to get out, but I interrupted him.

“My brother-in-law that I told you about... Here's his ID.”

“What're you on?” He responded inspecting the ID. “You're bringing him here? Adequate response... but-” he returned the ID and I handed it back to my overly confused companion.

“It'll be fine. He might have to know sooner or later the way things are going.”

“Alright, Sir... but you'll be held accountable. Miranda's here today and you know rank won't get you out of anything.”

“Shit... We'll do this fast then. Maybe the civvy entrance would've been better. Poker on Wednesday?”

“Definitely. Pot got even larger this week. We'll talk later.” Raj said, stepping away from us to return to his tower.

“...but you're a janitor. He.. he's a janitor.” Gerald blurted to the concerned guard.

“Yeap, one of the best Custodians they have.” Raj said waving us through.

Gerald became very silent the rest of the way, until we got to a building he found to be familiar. “That's the Pentagon!” he burst out. “Why are we at the Pentagon?!”

“I work here.” I said, smiling and pulling into my spot. “Well, nearby, but I told you I'd give you the tour. This is a different entrance than the rest of you use because this is a big freaking place and I don't feel like walking a few hundred acres.”

“...and you? What did he mean about rank? You're a janitor!” he bellowed. “Since when is janitor a rank?”

“It's not, really.” I said already in motion. “C'mon, buddy, I have places to be and you need to keep your voice down until I say it's ok.”

Blustering and indignant he responded. “If we're on a base, you should be referring to me as Colonel...”

“Move your ass, Colonel!” I replied sarcastically

Further down the path, questions were still being asked of me. Apparently, he didn't understand a gag order...

“Ah... here we are.” I said, approaching the main building. “The front door of your operation. Go, say hi to the generals, over there would you? I need to check-in.”

“Ok, I'm trying to keep a good spirit here, Stan. I know, I don't understand what's going on, but I do know that I can't just say 'hi' to 4-star Generals and join in their conversation. There's protocol. And another thing...” my dear familial acquaintance rambled as I tried to bumble my way through a side-door.

“Wait there, you'll be among others of your kind. I need to check-in.”

'Damn, card readers'. I said to myself, sliding my ID through the time-slot, 'why did they need to be in a broom closet?'

Upon returning, Gerald was still sitting at a table. “Sorry, had to check-in... and it's always in the most inconvenient of places. Did you make friends yet?”

“No... what's going on?”

“Soon.” I replied. “Soon. Let's introduce you while we're here though.” and started walking over towards the decorated men. “Gentlemen, excuse me, I'm...”

Smiles and shock burst forth from all four of their faces. “You're one of them, aren't you? Custodians.” They all saluted me and then the broadest of them held out his hand. “A sincere pleasure; I'm Ernie Hendrickson. I haven't met one of you since '73. The sighting of... well, you know.”

“Son, if you only knew how long I've wanted to meet one of you.”

“I knew it was true...” and similar responses.

“Not sure how you could tell, but nice to meet you all, as well.” Addressing the first that spoke I replied, “I wasn't there, General, but the ACINT has told me some interesting tales. Some of it was even unclassified for one reason or another.” I said shaking their hands. “I just wanted to introduce you to one of your rising stars. My brother-in-law, the Lieutenant Colonel. I'm sure he'll be within your ranks one of these days.” I might have been laying it on a bit thick, but I'm a helpful sort.

Gerald, slacked jawed and nearly bowled over by what he didn't understand, addressed everyone professionally, and oddly didn't protest when he was asked if he would mind taking the photo of the 5 of us without him.

“Alright, silly faces everyone!” I said for everyone. We both bid them goodbye, but Gerald was invited to go golfing with them next weekend.

“So, what was all that?”

“A chance to make some people very happy... Unfortunately, they won't get to keep the pictures, but they'll remember today.”

“...is this where I get memory-wiped or something?”

“...what purpose would that serve? You met some higher-ups and they invited you to golf. That's not exactly classified.”

“But... how?”

“Follow me.”

Returning to the carport, we walked further down the wall until it seemed to almost glitch. “Now, is where you need to follow the shut up & listen protocol. Just follow me and do as I say. Don't talk to anyone unless I say it's ok. Got that?”

“Umm... Sure?” he replied still confused about everything. I mean, I understand... He basically had his world flipped upside down and still wasn't given any reason as to why. But I needed him to understand this part was dangerous for him.

“This is extremely serious, Gerald. You can't even touch something unless I say it's ok. Do you copy?” I said looking straight into his eyes.

“Yes... um.. Sir. I read you.” he replied. He would probably be irritated if he wasn't so confused, but I think meeting the generals had its desired effect.

“Look away.” I instructed. “When I tell you, hold your breath and follow me. You can't release it until I say, it won't be too far. Then you'll have to do it again, but a bit farther. It's very technical, but let's just say there are sensors, and you would be counted as an unidentified anomaly.”

He nodded and looked the other way, as I slid a panel out and entered in my access code and retinal scan as well as a DNA sample. 'Never can be too careful' they keep telling us.

“Alright, now. C'mon.” He squelched through the entrance into my workplace and almost screamed as he fell back into me and I quickly covered his mouth. As someone that did scream the first time, I totally understand, but there was no way to prepare him.

The interior is nothing the average person would ever understand or expect. The reflective walls seem to hum a dark bluish color, though I'm told that's just what it wants us to see. It being the ship... or at least I think it's a ship. It kind of looks like something you might expect on a set of Aliens, but with less facehuggers. However, from what I've learned the experience is slightly different for each of us.

“Ok, slowly breathe out.” I said. “Then 3 quick breaths and hold on the third.” he did as he was told. “Now, quickly let's move... and again. Don't touch anything.” he nodded.

Making my way through the halls, that always looked like spines to me, I moved towards my workspace.

“You're doing a good job, man. Just a bit longer... We're almost there.” I didn't want to sound patronizing, but it's a long walk, even at an accelerated speed.

It was then that I heard something I definitely didn't want to hear,

“Stanley? I thought you weren't supposed to be here today?” a feminine voice said behind me.

“Hi... umm... Miranda... I'm not. Just doing quick maintenance.”

“Ah ha... and what is that behind you?” she asked knowingly.

“He's not here either...”

“They're going to laser your skin off... You know that right?” she smiled. Speaking in that sultry voice of her's that always made my hair stand on end.

“Umm... yea, wouldn't be the first time.” I said sheepishly. She knew it wasn't; She'd been the one to do it the first time.

She held out her hand sweetly towards Gerald “...then don't be rude, introduce me to...”

“Later!” I said, and hightailed it towards my desk. No sooner did we reach it, than Gerald decided to take a huge gasping breath, but the ionic net around my work area shielded us from any sentry response.

“What in the hell is all this?!” he gasp whispered.

“I'm still not clear on all the details, but from what I know, it's some form of ship, it's sentient, it found us, and we share some sort of symbiotic aid. Our role, well, most of us, are Custodians.” I smiled as I helped him off the floor. “Congrats, that's several things that you now are aware of that are well out of your rank to know let alone meet.”

“I'm still having trouble understanding any of this... Mind helping?”

“If I tell you much more, we'll both be in trouble. Well, more trouble than I'm in currently, anyway. The more serious kind. But I can tell you this, what humans often forget is the original meaning of words. A custodian is a person who has responsibility for or looks after something. We're curators and protectors. Guardians, if you will. Conservationists to a certain degree. And we're supposed to keep out of public sight, which is why those men were so excited to see me. A bit too much, maybe.”

“Ok, I'll bite... What are you protecting? From what? Are bad alien life forms attacking us?” he said still somewhat wary of everything.

“Sometimes...” I said, somewhat mockingly. “but that's not the major risk. I seriously can't tell you. We can't even say the names we think we have for them or we'll all be at risk.”

“This all sounds like some Dungeons & Dragons type nonsense...”

“You're closer to the mark than you know, neural plasticity not big with you, huh?” I said, eyebrow raised.

“Please, Tiefling Warlock could totally take you...” he responded.

“Nice! What lev-– nevermind, we'll talk later.” I coughed then continued. “Look on my desk. Do you see this?” I said pointing to the multifaceted orb sitting on an obsidian surface. “This is the last thing I can tell you about my work, and you need to see it for yourself. And once you do we need to leave. You also can't mention any of this to anyone or, you know, cue ominous tones.”

He walked over and picked up the object from my desk, “What is...” he said as he almost instantly dropped it. I was ready for it though and caught it with the stone... The same thing had happened to me the first time I had seen what was within the orbs. Pure darkness, the kind that had a face of sorts, and it let out a bloodcurdling, etheric scream the kind that I still don't know how to describe that I felt throughout my whole body. My darkest nightmares are still filled with that voice, that face, different than the one he now saw, but still part of the same unknowable void. Whatever it is... it exists... and it means devastation to all in its path. If there was “evil” in this world, this was the concentrated essence of it.

“That. We keep the world safe from that.” I said.

He didn't speak after that. He just nodded and we headed back.

I might have scarred him for life, but he never called me a janitor again. Or mocked what anything I did work-wise. Though he did when his Tiefling started up a duel with my Kitsune enchantress, but he was 7 levels higher than me! How is that fair?

Anyway, all it cost me was a tank of gas I was going to spend anyway, another lecture from my supervisors, and a few layers of skin, that will grow back... I like to think it keeps my skin extra smooth & glossy. The stinging in the mean time is a bit of bitch, though.

Long story shortened, he learned what I learned many years ago when I was a nuisance: Never mess with a Custodian.

©2019 Jim Folliard

Thanks for reading. Until the next adventure...